When Everything Isn't Okay
by mademistaken
Summary: Sasuke leaves and Sakura is broken. Can Sakura pick up the pieces? Or will she not be able to stay away and go out on her own and try to find Sasuke? Will he come back himself?


**Okay, so I wanted to start another fic, apart from my first one, but don't worry, this one doesn't replace the last. I hope you like it, and will review. **

**DISCLAMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!!!!!!!**

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Sakura was panting. Hurtling herself through trees. It was him. It was him. She tried to make herself move faster, but she was stuck. She was stuck. Whirling around all she saw was green. Trees, moss, shrubs, plants. Yet he was there somewhere. Her knees ached, and her head swam. She ran faster, no longer away from him, but instead towards him. She didn't know why, but she had to see him. She knew against him she wouldn't stand a chance, yet she still ran. Faster. Faster. She looked everywhere. Pain grabbed her, stole her. Where was he?

In a sudden whoosh her knees gave out, and she was on the ground sobbing, her sweat mixing in with the mud. She was crying, sobbing. He was nowhere. Hadn't he just been chasing her? Wasn't he right there?

'Sasuke, Sasuke' broken sobs tore out of her chest.

Sakura woke up with a start, screaming. Eventually, slowly, she was able to calm herself, stop the scream emitting from her. She was sitting up in her bed, panting, her hair plastered to her forehead by sweat. Red numbers from her alarm clock told her it was 3:19. AM. She rolled over to the side of her bed, and put her feet down on the cold wooden floor.

She walked slow and deliberate to her bathroom. It was light blue with a silver shower, toilet and sink. Above the sink there were scratched lines in the wall, where after seeing how horrible she looked, how unhelpful she was day after day, in the mirror she'd ripped the thing off her wall and chucked it out the window.

She started peeling her sweaty pj's of and climbed into the shower. She let ice cold water sting her back, and wash away the memoires of her dream. After cleansing herself she dried off, and put on fresh clothes, her ninja wear.

Sakura patted down the stairs. She sat at a cushioned chair.

2 year 32 weeks 4 days.

Sasuke had left so long ago. It didn't seem as if he was going to come back. And a voice in the back of Sakura's head said, 'He's not going to come back, willingly at least.' Sakura sighed, smashing the voice as best she could.

She pulled out a small book. It had 'Believe' written on it in fancy letters. She opened it up to a fresh page. She wrote.

_2. 32.4._

_I feel very tired today. I feel like giving up. I don't really want to go train. Not that I'll have to for a while. I had the dream again. I woke at 3:19. I stopped with the Sake drinking. It didn't help me much. Some say they get out of head experience, sometimes they don't even remember what happened to them when they were drunk. I'm not so lucky. I stay very much so in my head, I know everything; I just feel sick and use up my chakra to make my stomach settle. _

_Tsunade says now that Naruto's gone I should get out and take a break, enjoy myself a bit. I know she's worried, but I don't want a break. I don't care about working all the time really. I mean when I'm not doing something, when everything's real quiet, my thoughts start tilting towards him. And then I'm a mess. And then I feel lost. _

_It's as if I have part of him with me. And that part is always thinking of him, where he's at, what he's doing, what he's thinking. Sasuke's own little part of Sakura. But the part is big. Too big. _

_I need a release, I've been on big missions, nothing good enough to put my mind right. I need my mind right. I want to tell someone how it is, yet it seems that people know that I'm hurt torn up, and spread out everywhere, yet they seem to think I'm picking myself back up now. _

_I couldn't do that. I'm not that strong. I couldn't heal myself from that kind of wound so quickly. I can't help anything, help anyone. _

_I want to feel something, something other than this unstopping, non stuttering wall of pain. _

_Sakura _

Once her entry was finished Sakura slid the journal into a hidden compartment in her bag. She slowly stood up, the muscles in her legs protesting as she did so. She rolled her head, neck cracking, stretched out her shoulders, knees, thighs.

She let water run from the tap, cupped her hands and drank. Sakura dried her hands off on her shorts and left her house at a run.

Her feet slapped against the harsh gravel road. Sakura hadn't been one to run barefoot before, but found it liberating. Although, she mentally attempted to laugh; a futile attempt, she couldn't seem to fight if she didn't have her high heels Tsunade had given her on.

A small smile broke Sakura's mask at the thought of her Sensei, she tried so hard for her. Sakura loved her as if she was her mother. She felt bad that Tsunade was worried about her. She needn't be. Sakura would be okay… eventually.

Sakura's breath was steady as she turned a corner, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead, past her eyes to her chin, where it dropped onto the ground before her.

She ran every morning. Then trained until it was well past dark, at which point she would go and write in her journal.

Schedule felt good, anything that became, or was, familiar was good. Unfamiliar, like the reports of Sasuke out killing people, making people slaves, bringing them back for Orochimaru's delight, was not good. Sakura didn't think Sasuke was like that. That wasn't Sasuke.

Sakura pumped herself further and into the forest, out of the town. And, for the first time she noticed it was pouring down rain. Her clothes stuck to her and her hair was wetted down to her face. She sighed. The rain wasn't a particularly fun thing to be running in.

Nothing was fun. Not anymore. Deep breaths, Deep Breaths. She told herself, as she always did when she got negative thoughts. The bark of the trees was soggy on top from the water, pouring down hard. The moss washing, slowly, off. The smell was intoxicating. The smell of rain was big for Sakura. It was clean, and simple, the things she wanted to be.

After several more miles she stopped.

The hot springs water sizzled on Sakura's skin. The sound of nobody, of quiet matched the temperature. Sakura closed her eyes, and focused on relaxing each muscle, one by one.

"H-hello Sakura," uncertainty filled her voice, it upset Sakura.

"Hello Hinata," Sakura tried to put as much happiness and kindness into her voice. She couldn't lie to herself, it didn't sound right at all.

"Y-you're up early, you're n-not usually here until later, I-is something new?"

"No, just got done with my run, and the hot springs sounded nice. What've you been up to lately?"

"Um, I don't know, I miss N-Naruto,"

"Have you told him how you feel?" Sakura asked trying to make general conversation.

Hinata gave a small, sad smile, "We've been dating for 4 months now Sakura." Sakura dropped from whatever little high had given her the energy to fake happiness. She tightened up.

"I'm so so sorry Hinata. I-I umm,"

"It's okay."

"I uh, got to go Hinata, I'm um, bye" Sakura hurriedly got out dressed, and ran all the way home.

Sakura;s insides churned as she trained, shuriken's flying everywhere. She had been dead enough not to notice. What was she missing now? Sakura wanted to know, she wanted to be in it. But the fact that she'd have to try in front of everyone… it was a hard thought. She had no new way to boost her energy from nothing to something.

She watched as the metal dug into the targets, penetrating deep into the red dot in the center.

"Sakura?" She jumped at the sound of her name, turning and throwing the four remaining shuriken in her hand at the person. Thankfully Neji was able, due to excellent reaction times, jump out of the way.

"I'm sorry." Sakura looked down. Her heart was racing. How could he have scared her so? Sakura guessed it was the face that he had been watching her that made her react like she had.

"Don't think of it. Tsunade is ordering that you be in a team mission. And she says she doesn't want to hear any complaints of any kind."

Sakura sunk. She hadn't been on a team mission since he'd left. It'd all been solo.

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**IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a maybe story, if a bunch of people like it I will update it on a time basis (every week, ECT) otherwise I'll update when I can. **

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